A Modest Rampage
by Lord Raa
Summary: A case of déjà vu all over again for some of you, but there is new content here, I promise. Contains mechanoid-based bloodlust, comedy and an awesome soundtrack. Soundtrack sold separately.
1. Chapter 1

A Modest Rampage

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: It's not rude, it's science.

* * *

Part 1

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi yawned as she stretched. The fog from the previous night's activities was slowly fading away.

"Where are my smokes?" she asked the unconscious body next to her.

When the bottle blonde failed to receive an answer, she prepared a wake-up kick to the comatose person next to her. As she prepared to launch a vicious boot to the backside of her assistant, she realised something. "Lab coat!"

"Ugh? Sempai? Is that you? What happened last night?" Maya asked in a hoarse tone.

"Nothing much, though I think I'm still a LITTLE bit drunk from that… what were we drinking again?" Ritsuko asked with a goofy grin on her face. She belched loudly. "Ooh, excuse me! Ah, damn it, that's brought up a nasty taste. Like something Misato cooked."

"You're so silly when you're drunk, Sempai," the young lieutenant smiled. "Ow, my head!"

"Don't worry about that, Maya! Now, where was I? Ah yes, there was that robot that I was working on…"

The faux blonde scanned the laptop to her right. The LCD screen read 'Programming upload complete.' She looked at the open disk drive with a look of morbid curiosity on her face. "Knights of the Old Republic? What's this doing here?"

Ritsuko's fingers started to fly across the computer's keyboard to determine what damage had been done during her department's inebriation.

"Sempai?" Maya asked as she sipped a glass of water. "Is something the matter?"

"It doesn't look like anything's gone wrong, only that we may have accidentally loaded a game into the new robot's memory core as part of its AI. We won't know until I can get the MAGI to run a simulation," the smoking woman answered. "I'm going to jump in the shower and grab something to eat before we test this thing."

* * *

Shinji was a little surprised to hear that he had to go into NERV to see about a special project. It wasn't like he was expecting anything nice to happen to him, but orders were orders.

Even if Misato was grinning like a Cheshire cat when she gave them. His guardian was claiming that she didn't have to go in until later and quickly went back to bed.

His journey to NERV HQ was as uneventful as he could have hoped for, with the trains running with their usual efficiency. He slowly walked to the labs, a sense of dread growing inside his stomach as he approached his destination with all the joy of a condemned man.

"Shinji-kun," Maya Ibuki smiled. "Please come this way, but keep it down, Sempai's got a bit of a headache at the moment."

"Ok," the pilot replied softly, his experiences with Misato having given him ample understanding of those who were feeling delicate.

Walking in behind the lieutenant, Shinji was led to a hangar with a sheet covered item in the middle of it.

"Hello, Dr. Akagi," the young Ikari greeted in a softer tone than usual.

"Hi, Shinji-kun. The reason I brought you here was because we're concerned about your safety. You see, it took three days for Section Two to find you when you last went AWOL."

Shinji blushed and looked away at that comment.

"While we know that you will need time off from NERV, we're concerned that you might fall foul of some unsavoury characters and since self-defence isn't really an option, we've gotten you a protector," the scientist smiled as she removed the white sheet to reveal a gold coloured robot.

"This is the Independently-operating Bipedal Robotic Construct, revision 15; or IBRC-15. It's an artificially intelligent machine that's been programmed to follow you around and keep you safe."

Shinji's eyes widened as he took in the sight of what he thought was an old and imaginary friend. "H-h-h-h-hK-47 is that you?"

The 1.8 metre tall robot lifted its head. "Query: Who is the young meatbag?"

"I-I-I'm Shinji Ikari," the pilot said nervously at the mechanoid.

"Correction: My designation is IBRC-15. Statement: You are my new master. Will violence be needed today?" IBRC-15 asked with hopeful voice.

"However," Ritsuko said with a wince, "it might have a few personality quirks that we've not had a chance to work out yet. After all, we only just brought it online today."

"Hi, IBRC-15, I'm Shinji Ikari, I'm sorry for the mix up, it's just that you look a lot like something from my childhood," the young Ikari apologised.

"Query: Why is my master unhappy? Is there someone he needs me to remove from the gene-pool?" the droid asked glee in its mechanical voice. "I can use extreme prejudice if there is someone you want to see suffer, Master."

"I don't think that's necessary, IBRC-15," Shinji replied nervously.

"Statement: Maybe not right now. Advice: One should never discount the use of lethal force to solve problems. Query: Where can I acquire firepower to fulfil my mission?" IBRC-15 asked, its optical sensors scanning the room.

"We'll get you something later," Ritsuko replied. 'Mental note, reprogram this thing ASAP!'

"How is it powered, Sempai? Will Shinji-kun have to keep it plugged into the mains?" Maya asked, having recovered from her earlier queasiness.

"Statement: I am designed for independent operations and have been equipped with a miniature S² engine to maintain functionality. However, should I require maintenance on my power systems; I can draw energy from the standard domestic supply."

"Are you sure that's safe, Sempai?" the young lieutenant asked hesitantly.

"Yes, you see, we programmed Asimov's Three La-… oh tits!" the faux blonde cursed loudly having glanced at a nearby computer display. "It seems that we may have messed up, Maya."

"What do you mean 'we', Sempai? I recall that it was you who put the disc in to upload the programming," Maya retorted angrily, but soon regretted it when the wave of nausea hit her.

"What went wrong, Dr. Akagi?" Shinji asked, that sense of dread growing inside him again.

"We may have forgotten to program in the rules that prevent IBRC-15 from killing people," Ritsuko said apologetically.

"Opinion: I fail to see the problem," the mechanical man added. "My program states that I should not kill Shinji Ikari, pilot of the Evangelion designated Unit-01, nor should I allow others to terminate him."

There was an awkward pause.

"D-doctor Akagi?" Shinji asked as he slowly edged towards the door. "I'm scared."

"Reassurance: Do not worry, Master, I will not deliberately use you as a shield."

"…that doesn't exactly put me at ease…" the pilot muttered. "You don't have to worry about me, Robot-san; I don't need a bodyguard of your… skill."

IBRC-15 would have smiled if it could. "Statement: You are one of the more important meatbags in Tokyo-3: you require a protector willing to use excessive force as a deterrent."

"D-d-deterrent?" Shinji asked, still backing away slowly from the obviously psychotic robot.

"Yes. If the meatbags see that they will be slaughtered for trying to harm my master, then there is a good chance that they will reconsider. It is a variation on the 'Least harm' theory. Opinion: Use of Least Harm theory in this situation is a complete waste of time," the mechanoid added.

"Wait! If it's a complete waste of time, why did you suggest it?" Maya asked, confusion written on her face.

"Because the psychological profile supplied for my master mentions that he does not like to see others suffer. My programming dictates that I should at least try to satisfy my master's wishes, even if the concept of pacifism seems so wrong to me," IBRC-15 answered. "Statement: We have wasted enough time discussing this situation; it is time for me to find some weapons. Ranged combat is the best solution – there is less chance of becoming contaminated by the debris of your targets."

"'Contaminated by debris'?" Ritsuko repeated incredulously.

"Demand: Enough of this discussion, we are causing distress to my master," the robot ordered. "Master, I will escort you home via the armoury. Do not worry; we will get you some heavy-duty body armour."

"O-ok," the young Ikari agreed hesitantly. He flinched when the droid placed a hand on his shoulder. "Please don't hurt me."

"Statement: Hurting my master would not prove as amusing as causing massive amounts of damage to career criminals," IBRC-15 said with a tone of honesty its synthesised voice. The robot raised his head as if in thought. "My wireless data access has revealed something interesting. Perhaps I could inflict some bodily harm to one Gendo Ikari?"

"The Commander? Why would you want to hurt him?" Ritsuko asked reaching for her cigarettes.

"Answer: He has a stupid beard," the mechanoid answered.

"That's no reason to kill a man!" Maya protested.

"Statement: It is not a reason to allow him to live, either. Query: What did you mean when you said 'I'm sorry for the mix up, it's just that you look a lot like something from my childhood'?" IBRC-15 asked using a recording of Shinji's own voice.

"I had a robot friend when I was a kid. He looked just like you and said that he'd kill any monsters that threatened me," Shinji replied. "He also told me to never tell people about him, or he'd have to go away forever. The last time I saw him was just before my 8th birthday. Just disappeared and I thought that I was just an imaginary friend that kids have."

"Statement: Your story contains anecdotal evidence that I am your childhood fiend, yet this cannot be true as I was only just recently activated. Conclusion: It is merely a coincidence until conclusive evidence to the contrary is provided." The droid paused for a moment. "Observation: It is a suitable timeframe for meatbags to ingest food. I will escort my master to the dining area."

Shinji suddenly found himself being marched towards the NERV cafeteria by a mechanical man that he had little doubt would be the death of him.

* * *

Misato Katsuragi had heard about that Shinji was in the cafeteria and made her way there to see the young man that looked after her and her apartment.

What the tactical officer didn't expect to see was a gold coloured robot sitting next to Shinji while he ate. Nor did she expect to hear the droid's comment of: "Query: Who is the purple haired meatbag that is approaching us? Is she a viable target?"

"What is this, some kind of prank from Ritsuko?" the captain demanded.

"Introduction: I am IBRC-15, Shinji Ikari's bodyguard and servant. Query: Who are you and want do you want?"

"I'm Misato Katsuragi; I'm Shinji's superior officer. I want to know what's going on here," the purple haired beauty replied, her hand snaking towards her sidearm.

"Statement: I am waiting for the order from my master to kill someone," IBRC-15 said in an annoyed tone.

Misato didn't like that and pulled out her pistol and chambered a round. As she brought it to bear on the mechanoid, she flicked the safety catch off.

"Observation: SIG P228, 9mm Parabellum round with a magazine capacity of twelve rounds. Query: Is your weapon loaded with jacketed hollow points? Opinion: If it is, you will have great difficulty causing me sufficient damage to incapacitate me before I remove your spinal column," the mechanical man said as it advanced on the armed woman.

"This has gone on for long enough, so whoever's pulling this prank better confess now before someone gets shot," Katsuragi warned as she cocked the hammer back to show her intent.

"Misato, this isn't a joke! Ritsuko built IBRC-15 to protect me," Shinji insisted. "It's just that someone made a slight mist-"

IBRC-15 turned to glare at the pilot.

"Miscalculation and he's a bit too enthusiastic when it comes to dealing with threats to me," the young Ikari said rather quickly. "Please don't hurt Misato-san."

The bloodthirsty droid turned back to Misato and stepped closer to her. "Query: Are you sure, Master? Is this meatbag special to you?"

"Misato-san's my friend! She was kind enough to let me move in with her," the pilot explained, having leapt between the two.

"Conclusion: You are 'shacking up' with this female meatbag. Statement: Cursory research indicates that she could be considered attractive amongst you humanoids," IBRC-15 said. "Negotiation Tactic: I require weapons to do my duty; preferably anti-material rifles with a high rate of fire. I will put Meatbag Katsuragi in the classification as you, Master – do not kill and try to avoid maiming – if I can get some firepower."

"…" Misato blinked. "This is some kind of joke, isn't it? I mean tell me now, and I won't be angry. But if you continue this farce, I will cause all involved much pain and suffering."

"Query: Is Meatbag Katsuragi trying to seduce me?" the mechanoid asked, its head tilted to the right. "Exclamation: Eww! I do not engage in such filthy activities as sexual intercourse with meatbags. Query: Is there a more disgusting recreational activity than shooting DNA at each other? Advice: Do not suggest such things again if you want to remain in possession of all of your body parts."

Ritsuko rushed into the cafeteria, hoping that her latest project wasn't instigating a bloodbath.

"Misato! Don't shoot the robot!"

"What? Why not?" asked the increasingly irate captain.

"Because it's the only one of those that we've got and it's worth a fortune!" the bottle blonde replied as she struggled to get her breath from the unexpected exercise.

"So you're responsible for this thing?" Misato asked, venom dripping from her words.

"Yes, but it's to protect Shinji-kun!" the scientist insisted. "Besides, any flaws in the behavioural software are your fault for insisting that we had a party last night."

"… You have got to be shitting me, Ritsuko! You can't blame me for this thing plotting a murderous rampage!"

"Statement: I was not plotting a murderous rampage. Though I am now."

All eyes in the room turned towards IBRC-15.

"Query: What?"

"I think that you're making people a little bit uncomfortable, IBRC-15," Shinji explained with a sweat-drop.

"Statement: The comfort of the other meatbags is irrelevant, Master," the robot replied. "Query: Where can I find more information about your childhood friend, Master?"

"Err, it's kind of embarrassing," the pilot said evasively.

"Master, I will keep anything secret that you want me to. Even if I have to make the streets run red with the blood of your enemies," the mechanical man said with an unhealthy amount of enthusiasm. "Request: Please, Master, allow me to slaughter your enemies in a pre-emptive strike."

The ambient noise in the cafeteria dropped to nothing.

"I don't think that will be necessary, IBRC-15. I mean, people around here are pretty good at keeping things private," Shinji insisted. "Isn't that right, Misato-san?"

"Yes," the purple haired woman nodded, not taking her eyes off the suspicious droid. "Besides, Shinji-kun doesn't have any enemies."

"Statement: What a gyp. I feel somewhat redundant."

"You know, it's not a bad thing that you don't have to kill people," Ritsuko replied.

"Aside: Maybe not for you."

"…"

"Query: When will my master commence his next training session?" the robot asked. "I believe that he needs to be at peak preparedness for his role as pilot of Evangelion Unit-01."

"That's true," the bottle blonde agreed. "I suppose that we could have a sync test this afternoon. I don't think we've tested you so soon after a meal, so it'll be a good variable to consider, since we don't know when we're going to have to send you into battle."

* * *

To be continued…

This may seem like déjà vu all over again, but I've got more content that may or may not amuse you all.

Pre-read by Chi Vayne and may have been previewed on various intertubes.


	2. Chapter 2

A Modest Rampage

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: When something's good, it's never gone.

* * *

Part 2

* * *

Shinji sighed as he was forced to allow his mechanical protector to accompany him to school. The pilot had remembered the first meeting between him and Touji, and while the tracksuit clad youth had already apologised for the beating he gave him, he still didn't feel all that comfortable around him.

Though that may have had something to do with the way Touji and his partner in crime, Kensuke Aida, were always drooling over Misato.

"Mister Ikari, care to explain why your friend is dressed like that?" the elderly teacher asked with disdain in his voice.

"Statement: I am IBRC-15, human-cyborg mutilations. My mission is to protect my master, Shinji Ikari," the golden robot replied.

"…" The class wore sweat-drops.

"Statement: I will use lethal force if necessary. Request: Will someone please doubt my sincerity? I have yet to use my new toy," IBRC-15 said as it pulled out an oversized revolver and waved it around like it was an empty water pistol. "Regret: Unfortunately, the Geneva Convention prohibits 20mm weapons from being loaded with hollow point rounds. Consolation: 20mm incendiary rounds are perfectly legal. WAFFY experience: I can kill things with fire."

"I-ikari-kun?" Hikari asked hesitantly. "Why is your robot so…?"

"Bloodthirsty? Psychotic? Evil? I don't know, Horaki-iinchou," the Third Child replied with a tired sigh. "You'd have to ask the people that made it."

It was true that Shinji didn't quite know why his robotic protector was so enthusiastic when it came to its duties, but he was glad IBRC-15 was when he and an inebriated Misato were out last night and that motorcycle gang started to harass them.

The pilot shuddered when he recalled the violence that was unleashed.

"Query: Is there something wrong, Master?"

"No, it's just that," Shinji looked around. "We're disrupting the lesson."

The robot also looked around. "Query: And? Do they not know what you do? Do they not realise that if you so desired, you could leave this wretched hive of scum and villainy to perish?"

"…"

The teacher coughed to get everyone's attention. "If everyone has finished talking, I'll continue the lesson."

IBRC-15 strode over and examined the lesson plan. "Opinion: I do not think that this history lesson is going to entertain the students. Suggestion: Why don't we change the lesson plan? I could teach them something useful like ballistics or self-defence or perhaps even how to deal with unexploded ordinance?"

"I don't think so. Ikari-kun, you and your cosplaying friend are in big trouble. I want both of you to head down to the Principal's office!" the grey haired man ordered.

"Y-yes sir," the pilot replied. He walked slowly to the door.

"Statement: You are not my master, therefore I do not have to follow your orders," said the mechanical man. "Demand: Give me a reason why I don't slaughter you all."

"No!" Shinji yelled. "You can't kill my classmates!"

"Correction: I could kill every last meatbag this room within sixty seconds."

IBRC-15 scanned the room to see a host of terrified faces looking back at him. "Statement: If you do not want me to engage in some unadulterated violence, then I will refrain, Master. However, I will not allow people to use and abuse you, Master. Demand: You! The boy with the glasses and freckles, stop your drooling. I will not allow you to look at my schematics nor will I discuss the logistics of artificial intelligence."

Kensuke blushed as he realised he was the centre of attention.

"Statement: I will use the school computers to access the local information networks. I may need to assist my master with his schoolwork," the golden robot said as he took his place at an empty desk.

* * *

After school, Shinji quickly walked home, hoping to minimise the chance of IBRC-15 hurting someone. It had taken a lot of effort on his part to convince the mechanical psychopath not to skin Touji alive for assaulting him when they first met.

Kensuke also had to be warned for trying to touch the droid's weapons.

The pilot wondered if the pair would be alright – they had to change their clothes when IBRC-15 had finished his little speech.

Effortlessly keeping up with the rushing Ikari, the golden robot heard some people say something derogatory about Shinji's piloting skills.

"There he is, there's that robot pilot. What's up, little man? Scoping out more places to demolish when you fall over in your robot?" a scruffy looking teenager with long, greasy hair called out much to the amusement of his friends.

Shinji ducked into a nearby convenience store, hoping that his tormentors would quickly leave him alone.

"Statement: I will be with you in one moment, Master," IBRC-15 said with what could have been synthesised glee in his voice.

Crossing the road, the mechanical man approached the would-be bullies still sitting on their motorbikes. "Query: Are you instrumental to the prolonged existence of this city?"

"What?" the first youth asked in confusion.

"Statement: It appears that you are hard of hearing and that I must repeat my question. Query: Are you instrumental to the prolonged existence of this city?"

"N-no," the greasy haired delinquent replied backing up from the metallic aggressor.

"Statement: You are about to make my day. Declaration of intent: Prepare your souls for whatever gods you believe in, it is time for some unadulterated violence in the name of protecting my master."

IBRC-15 pulled out his modified artillery piece and aimed it at the bike furthest away from him. "Statement: I am under the impression that this is loaded 20 millimetre incendiary shells."

One squeeze of a trigger later and the targeted motorbike was in flames. "Statement: It is loaded with 20mm incendiary shells and your conveyance has been… Query: What's the term I am searching for? Answer: Killed with fire. Query: Who is next?"

Ten minutes later, IBRC-15 entered the convenience store looking for Shinji. "Statement: Master, those meatbags will no longer be a bother to you or society. Query: Master, where are you hiding? Are you injured?"

"N-no," Shinji replied nervously. "It's just that you've got some red on you."

"Statement:" the robot said as he looked at his chest, "So I have. It appears that I have some liver on my right knuckles as well. Query: Master, may we return home so that I can clean my housing? I do not think that staining your guardian's home with offal will endear me to her."

"Let's go," Shinji sighed. "I'll get you something to help clean off that… what is that on your feet?"

"Statement: I am not 100 percent sure, Master. Speculation: It could be bowel, bile duct or even pancreas. I will analyse it during my cleaning."

* * *

Shinji sighed as he relaxed in the hot water of his bath. As the pilot closed his eyes, he thought back to why he thought that IBRC-15 was another robot.

His cerulean eyes snapped open when he realised why he recognised the murderous droid from.

"Damn…"

The pilot sighed as he sank down into the hot water. "That's not good. To think that I thought that HK-47 was my best friend and when I couldn't find him, no-one would tell me what happened to my favourite toy…"

"I'm so pathetic," Shinji muttered sadly.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Shinji decided that he was wrinkly enough and finally decided to exit the bath. After drying himself off, he made his way to his room.

"Query: Is anything wrong, Master?" the freshly cleaned robot asked, his golden chassis reflecting the artificial light.

"It's ok," Shinji sighed.

"No it's not," Misato countered before draining her fifth beer of the evening. "I've known you for long enough to know that you're hiding something, Shin-chan. Now tell me what's going on."

"O-ok," the pilot sighed again. "It's just that I was reminded of when I was little and I lost my favourite toy."

"Query: Just why does this make you 'sad'?"

"I-it's because I remembered how silly I was back than," Shinji admitted with a light blush on his face. "I pretended he was real and that he would help me one day. That was until one day he disappeared and I couldn't find any trace of him. My guardians denied any knowledge of him. And they bought him for me when I was five!"

"When did you lose this toy?" Misato asked, feeling somewhat sympathetic towards her roommate.

"Just before I was seven. HK-47 was the only thing I cared about."

"Statement: I am unsure what words I should say in an attempt to comfort you, Master. However I am sure that if I resemble this toy of yours, then perhaps you should consider me to be the reincarnation of this 'HK-47' character? Reminder: I was constructed by Dr. Akagi to protect you and provide assistance when necessary and where possible."

Shinji was unsure of what to make of his robotic protector placing a "comforting" hand on his shoulder, but said something to show his appreciation. "Thanks IBRC-15, that's kind of you."

"Statement: My programming has equated 'kindness' with weakness, therefore I am not 'kind', I am merely assisting my master. Request: Please do not call me 'kind' again," said IBRC-15.

"Kindness isn't a weakness," Misato insisted.

"Counterpoint for this argument: I disagree as kindness is frequently used against those that have it. Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted my master to do something for me, I could use his kindness towards others as a means of leverage. For example: I want fine mineral and synthetic oils for my joints. Get them for me or I will skin Captain Katsuragi alive."

Shinji paled.

"Statement: You can see my point, can you not?" IBRC-15 replied. "Reiteration: My mission is to protect Shinji Ikari from all manner of threats. And that includes his personality quirks."

"I see," the beer drinker drawled. "Well, what next? You going to teach Shinji how to shoot a gun or disarm a bomb?"

"Statement: Negative. While Master's combat effectiveness would be increase, there would be an increased risk of him being injured and I am unsure how Master would feel about killing his fellow meatbags. Aside: It would also mean that I would have less fun."

Although Shinji felt somewhat relieved that he wouldn't be learning how to handle weapons or kill people, he sweat-dropped at that last comment.

"T-that's nice," the pilot nodded.

"Observation:" the mechanical psychopath said, "You look somewhat fatigued, Master. Suggestion: Perhaps you should get some rest?"

"Y-yeah," Shinji yawned. "I'll see you in the morning."

* * *

Shinji awoke to a synthesised voice telling him that it was time to get up.

"O-ok," the pilot yawned sleepily. "I'll make us something to eat as soon as I've freshened up."

"Statement: I do not require sustenance."

"Oh, sorry, IBRC, is there anything I can get you?" Shinji asked as he gathered his washing kit.

"Statement: I am not in need of anything at this time, however should any need for repairs, supplies or other assistance arise, I will contact you. Subject change: During the night while you and Captain Katsuragi slept, I took the liberty of investigating the neighbours for potential security risks."

"Oh?" the pilot asked, his face wearing a look of worry as he realised that he would have to apologise to the other tenants in the building for the robot's actions.

"Yes. Fortunately, it seems that we are in a relatively secure building and we do not have to worry about a 'sleeper cell' of terrorists planting an explosive device in this apartment," the mechanoid said.

"That's good to hear."

"Statement: It is indeed. Advice: We should still be cautious when it comes to revealing your identity and role within NERV. Explanation: While I relish the chance to slaughter many meatbags to keep you safe, I cannot remove every threat to your safety without the use of more apocalyptic methods than you would approve of."

"A-apocalyptic methods?" the young Ikari asked, the feeling that he wasn't going to like the forthcoming answer.

"Clarification: NBC weaponry, tectonic manipulation, orbital barrage are methods that are most effective when it comes to de-populating a large area, Master."

Shinji held his head as a flash of pain seared through his optic nerve.

"He's trying to help me, not kill every person on Earth. He's trying to help me, not kill every person on Earth," he repeated under his breath. After a few moments of this, the pain subsided and he turned to IBRC-15. "I've got to get washed up, so why don't you wake up Misato-san? Be gentle, she's not a morning person."

* * *

Misato Katsuragi's pleasant dream of being taken care of by several hunky men wearing tanning oil and loin-cloths was rudely interrupted by the electronic bleeping from her alarm clock.

"Stupid morning shifts," she grumbled before falling back asleep and missing the knock at the door.

There was another knock, this time it was louder and lasted for longer, but Misato still didn't hear it.

"Statement: Katsuragi is a heavy sleeper. I must use more intrusive methods to awaken her."

The door opened and IBRC-15 walked in. A quick scan of the room helped confirm the conclusion that Shinji didn't clean up in this room as he did the rest of the apartment.

"Observation: Katsuragi is what is known as a 'slob'. Perhaps I should assist my Master by tidying in this room?"

Kneeling by the head of the bed, the bloodthirsty mechanoid leant in and spoke.

"Statement: It is time. Prepare yourself, meatbag."

"Wha?" the purple haired woman asked, lifting her head slightly. "Jesus buggery! What the Hell are you doing here?"

"Response: I was asked to rouse you from your slumber by my Master. I believe that I have completed this task. Please gather your things so that you may perform your morning cleansing."

"What? Oh, you mean get washed up? Right, yeah, just let me get my stuff together. Wait, what do you care if I'm clean or not?" Misato asked as she stretched.

"Response: It does not matter to me, as I do not have what you would consider a sense of smell. However, my Master would not approve of any stench permeating through this apartment as he is the one that does the cleaning in this domicile," IBRC-15 said as it turned to the door.

"Hey, I don't stink!" the Captain protested after checking her armpits.

"Reminder: I do not have a sense of smell to confirm that statement one way or another. Query: Would you like me to get my Master for an olfactory assessment?"

"What? You want to Shinji to sniff me?" Misato screeched in protest. "What sort or machine are you?"

"Statement: I am programmed for human-cyborg mutilations, not chemical analysis. I do not know what would be considered an unpleasant smell," the mechanoid replied before leaving Misato to wallow in her frustration.

* * *

Later that morning, Gendo Ikari was reading a top secret report that had been left on his desk.

"It seems that the Jet Alone project is nearing the public testing stage. I'm impressed with their progress. It's almost a shame that I have to sabotage it."

Placing the folder on to the stained oak desk, he picked up the phone and dialled for Dr, Akagi.

"Dr. Akagi, it seems that Jet Alone requires some special attention. Ensure that they fail," the bearded man instructed. "It is your top priority."

"¬But…¬"

"It is your top priority," Gendo repeated before terminating the call.

* * *

Misato was looking at the invitation that had been sent to her about the JSSDF's unveiling ceremony.

"What do you make of this, Ritsuko?" she asked, turning to her friend.

"It's a junket where they'll be free food and possibly free booze, what's there to make of it?"

"Free booze?" the Captain asked. She shook her head. "That's not what I meant, Ritsuko, I meant this Jet Alone thing. Do you really think it could defeat an Angel?"

Ritsuko leaned back in her chair. "I honestly don't know; I'll have to have a look at it. Are you going to come with me? Remember: free food and drink."

"I suppose that I'll have to accompany you, just to keep you safe from all those horny scientists," Misato replied in a theatrical tone.

* * *

To be continued…

Pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed on certain tubes.


End file.
